92

Last night was a great success. All of us arrived late of course, I was still in Columbia and was trying to haul ass home. Isaac and Paola were the only ones to show up on time. Turtle and Malwina were still trying to prep everything. Megan arrived shortly after I did and both of us invaded the kitchen. Jenny and Andrew came a little after that and joined us. I was stuck peeling egg roll wrappers while Turtle helped me chop the plantains. Isaac, Megan, Jenny, and Turtle already knew what I was making and they were excited. There was so much chaos going on that I had no idea when Jose was going to stop by. I already had my game plan, ignore him. It wasn't until I noticed that he arrived when I felt icy cold hands wrap around me in a backwards hug. He whispered in my ear, "will you talk to me? please forgive me." I continued to peel the egg roll wrappers in silence and ignored him. He got up and asked Megan where he can put the empanadas that he got for the party, and said that he was about to leave. In the process of cooking more guests arrived. Ava and Teagan came together, and we haven't seen either one of them in a long time. Fast forward, all the cooking was done. At this time we all started dancing to music while the guys played Turtle's congas. Isaac invited two of his friends who are visiting from Berklee. Larry was one of the guys, and he is one of the coolest people I've ever met. He's originally from the UK, and me, Saalika, and Megan sat around talking about UK shows and British lifestyles vs. American lifestyles. He says that living in a major city in the US (Berklee is in Boston), you see all the American stereotypes brought to life. Coming to an American suburb you can see what really makes America, and how the people really are. Larry loves it here in Gaithersburg and hopes to come back to visit again. He admitted that he was assuming we would all talk with that West Virgina twang, sitting around eatin' frahd chick'n, but we are the complete opposite. He assumed that we were all roomies in Turtle's house, because of the interaction and the way we all help each other out while cleaning up after the party. We all said no, because we would kill each other.

We did considerably well this year on the food front. Past years we had issues with party crashers and not enough food. Last year was especially the worst. Will said that he would cook a variety of Indian entrees, but claimed that he dropped the food on his way out the door. Uh huh. We all said that this is typical Will trying to bullshit his way out of a situation. Teagan asked if Will was invited, and Megan said that he wasn't. She was slightly apprehensive to answer, because he was co-creator of Christmahanukwanzika. There were a lot of people who weren't invited, and we also had to keep in mind that this is Turtle's house. He does have a roommate. We can't have guests and their entourage coming in and out. The party went on much later than anticipated. The end time on the invite was 11:30 pm, but we partied til 2:00 am and stayed to clean up. We didn't leave until 2:40 am. I took Saalika home afterwords, went home, uploaded pictures and fell asleep in the process. I had to wake up to go to a dentist appointment the next day.

I seem to have the greatest conversation's with my dentist's wife. They have watched me grow up, so to them I'm like a daughter. She could tell that there was something going on this past semester, because I kind of seem a bit exacerbated when we talked about school and the past semester. This truly was the semester from hell! Gabby was feeling the same was also, and she was having breakdowns every day. It's such a shock to hear it coming from her, because she's such a chill person. My dentist's wife told me that I need to cut the negativity and the negative people out of my life. They stole my focus this semester and it's not good for my career. She told me that I'm a high quality girl, and that I will make a difference in the world. I just need focus. I gave her the summary of my semester in a nutshell; everyone's relationship drama on top of my own issues. She told me that when it comes to a guy, let the right one come to me. If I had to go through this much trouble to get nowhere, then he was never worth my time. We stood around talking for an hour until three patients came in. She told me that I'm too good and sweet of a person to give myself up for a loser. For now I need to focus on my school and career, and everything will fall into place.

As much as I keep telling myself I need to clean up my stuff, I'm in dire need of a nap. I think I'll do that.

91

Today was really productive. My dad and I shoveled the driveway, and now my back hurts. We went and filled up my mom's gas tank and got some lunch. We had to go to Costco, Trader Joe's, and Grand Mart, so I went to shower and got ready. I checked my phone and saw that it had blown up during my absence. Tommy text me, I had missed calls, and a voice mail. I had a sneaking suspicion that it was Jose, but it was actually work. I was rushing to get ready and out the door, because I had to work tonight. The voice mail said that I didn't have to come in since no one is in a mad rush to buy ice cream after being shut in for 24 hours. It was only going to be the managers there just in case people came in wanting to buy a cake. Sweet! Dad and I did some grocery shopping so we can cook for Christmas. I still have a ton of stuff to do tomorrow. Dad said that he's going to take the rest of the week off, because he does have it on schedule for vacation. I told him that he needs the break and it's Christmas. We need to make a mad dash to Costco again tomorrow to buy their carnivorous substance known as boneless pork whatever. Then we'll be going to Penn Camera and I will be receiving my early Christmas presents. I'm going to try to buy a roll of film with whatever cash I have on me. I also need to get an archival box binder for my prints and negatives.

Maxx ran back in the snow again today with mom. That boy loves the snow, and the snow obviously loves him. He always has a bunch stuck to his underbelly when he comes back out. I'm going to have such a busy week. Dinner party in less than 24 hours, dentist on Tuesday, and Tommy and Angel will be coming to hang out on Wednesday. I can't wait, it'll be a fun week.

90

Today was really fun. I spent the day reading and throwing Maxx in the snow. I let him run around without his leash for once, since the snow was so thick that he couldn't make a clean getaway. After playing in the snow twice and warming up after, I decided to get started on clearing up the stuff on the floor in my room. Thankfully it's not as bad of a wreck as it was in years past, so I'm pretty much done. All that my room requires is some handy work. I'll wait until the morning to do that.

I have this thought in the back of my head that I still have class on Monday, and I have to once again remind myself that classes are now over. I'm still wondering about work tomorrow. I don't go in until 6:45 pm, and I'm sure the roads will be plowed by then, but there's still that uncertainty.

I just checked the guest list for the Christmahanukwanzika party, and Jose is definitely coming. I'm going to be on my defenses, because I'm really not in the mood for any bullshit. Megan told me that she invited Julian, but he flat out told her "no." He said that Jose hates him, and there's no use in putting himself in that predicament. This party already screams tension because of me, Megan, and Julian if he came. Seriously, considering the fact that he really doesn't know when to stop or leave people alone, I already know he's going to be following me the entire night. There's 16 people all together who are confirmed, and he'll act like it's just the two of us in the room. Thankfully this is at Turtle's house, so that way I can get home in 5 minutes if I feel the need to leave. For some reason, I foresee that happening. I shouldn't anticipate drama, but this is Jose. As previously stated, he doesn't know when to stop. Normally I would want to make peace, especially with the holidays coming up and I know he'll use that excuse on me, but I don't appreciate my name being slandered like that. I'll own up to whatever drama happens if I legitimately did something wrong. I'm just so pissed off that he brings all of this up at the worst possible moments. He calls me while I'm work, he calls me when I'm with family, he calls me when I was in class or at school....CHRIST! Megan says that he obviously has a dependent personality, but it still doesn't excuse the fact that he's 25 years old and still doesn't have his life together and still depends on other people to do things for him. I confessed to Megan about his little rant about how much money he spent on her, and she gave me this look of "what the hell!?" I told him that she never told him to spend all this money, and she cut in with "especially after I told him not to when he would offer," but he went ahead anyways. He has no one to blame but himself. I just don't like the fact that he's trying to use us all as scapegoats for his own stupidity.

89

It's snowing!!!! I think early Xmas may be canceled due to inclimate weather, unless my dad's feeling crazy and wants to trek to Penn. Work was boring and entertaining. The first two and a half hours were moderately busy. Friday night lady came in with only three of her kids tonight and no husband. I guess they were sane enough to fore go ice cream tonight. Pecans and cream passion guy came in, and took his ice cream to go. I mostly stood around talking to Pat and Thomas about our favorite Adult Swim shows. At one point, Pat, Thomas, John, and I wrote a Cold Stone version of "the 12 days of Christmas". I can't wait to hear the reactions from people when they read it on the dry erase board. The rest of the night I stood around reading Spiral Jetta and watching the snow fall outside. I looked up from my book for a moment when I saw two people racing to their ride that had just pulled up. I don't know why they felt compelled to run, but the first person skid across the sidewalk to the car and crashed into the door. Person number two slipped and fell.

My first day of break didn't start off so well. My mom called my phone at 5:30 am and told me that Maxx threw up by the tree. I had to walk downstairs to clean it up, and went back to bed. Then someone called the house phone and that woke me up. I finally dragged my butt out of bed and threw some laundry in the wash. Megan called me and told me that she had to meet with her councilor about her classes for next semester, and then we were to meet at Panera. I knew what this was about, she wanted to address whatever was going on and I was more than happy to clear up what the situation was. I got to Panera before she did, and I got myself some tea and read some more of Spiral Jetta. She came in 10 minutes after and handed me a white bag with a silver ribbon tied to it. It was a "I'm sorry/Merry Christmas" present. She explained that she was having a bad day and Jose was giving her shit, and it hit her all at once. She said that she was shutting everyone out, so it wasn't just me, but it still doesn't make up for the fact that she was being a bitch. I told her that I figured something was up, but I had no idea what was said or whatever. We discussed everything that was said, I told her exactly what I told Jose and if he misconstrued what was said than it's something I can't help. We're both being bombarded by his constant calls, texts, and facebook messages. He claims to not know why I hate him, and I could just slap him for that right now. But I won't, because that's a good waste of energy. She said that after all this happened, she was hoping to see me but I didn't come around for two weeks. It was due to finals coming up, and I had no time for any more of this mess. Normally we would both get through finals together, so it was a struggle none the less. I missed some fun, though. Everyone started making friendship bracelets. I wish I was there for that. Alas, I was locked away in the dark room.

We discussed the dinner party on Monday. Jose may or may not show up, but it looks like he may be showing up. He's listed as a maybe, because his other friends are advising him about how him attending is a bad idea. Yeah, he should listen. There are two people who are pissed at him, and one more violent than the other. I'm really not in the mood to have another party spoiled, because he doesn't know when to stop. Oh well, the party's at Turtle's. He lives literally 5 minutes away from me. If he pisses me off, I'm out. I'm not going to put up with his shit. He doesn't know why I hate him, THINK ASSHOLE.

Speaking of parties, I passed on Flora's bday jam session and Kristen's party for obvious reasons. I've never driven so slow in my life. Every time I would tap the gas, I felt my car start to swerve. I'm preparing myself with some tea and hot chocolate and a stack of books. I may start wrapping Maxx's presents. I'm getting tired, so I'm going to wrap this up.

88

DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE! D-U-N DONE!

Will continue excitement after I stop confusing myself with the idea that I have to wake up early to go to my 9:00 AM photo class tomorrow. Note to self: SCHOOL IS O-V-E-R.

Another note to self: stop watching Ghost Adventures before going to sleep. You only freak yourself out!

Now to spend some much needed quality time with Maxx.

87

Before I go into permanent finals hiatus, I thought I would stay true to url and write THREE, count 'em, THREE "Dear Anonymous..." letters. Note that this will be a long, so take your potty breaks now.

(1)

Dear Anonymous,

I know that there has been a ton of animosity between us the past few months, but understand what you did was a total mind fuck. Never in my life have I been treated as so, and I thought I've experienced the worst from rejection after rejection. I know that you were just going along with the advice of others, and not listening to what you think is best for you, but that's where you have to determine before you make a decision. You're a big boy, you can think for yourself. Do not take this next bit as an attack, but as a piece of advice. From my observations, you live your life based on what people direct you to do. You don't live life the way you feel like you should live. Just because someone suggests something that THEY feel may be good for you, doesn't mean it will be good for you in the long run. Learn to rationalize things before you act on impulse.

Another thing I've noticed is that you tend to lean towards the conventional way of life: graduate school, marry high school sweetheart, get a good job, start a family, house with the white picket fence, etc. News flash, that's not how life works. Conventional living is non-existent these days. Stop living that life of delusion and realize that this is not a '50's family sitcom. This is real life, and in real life people get crapped on. We all have dreams of the loving spouse, family, nice house, good job, the whole nine yards, but it takes more than graduating high school to achieve all that. More power to you if you were able to land your high school sweetheart, but in this case you weren't. Trying to hold on to her means you have no sense of adventure. You're afraid to step outside your comfort zone. Learn to be adventurous for a change, and do things differently. You need to learn that avant-garde and shocking can be a good thing.

Things have been said on your expense, but again, you really hurt me. One, you have no right to tell me what I'm saying is wrong, because it's my opinion. The last time I checked, I was entitled to it. Not to mention that now you know how I felt. You already know not to piss me off, we've had this discussion before. Just a word of advice, don't try to bullshit the next girl when you say that you're not ready for a relationship, and all of a sudden get a girlfriend. Be straight with her, and tell her there's someone else. You think what happened between us was bad? Just saying...
As bitchy as this may sound, this whole experience you've put me through really made me see my potential. You once told me that you always try to find the positives in any negative situation, so this will be mine. I no longer devalue myself like I used to. This is an experience that really made me stronger. Thank you, really. Again, don't take that the wrong way.

After much needed time to cool off, I'm over the anger. I don't know what your position is on this, but I say this in the most sincere manner: I wish you nothing but happiness. I wish you nothing but the best for you and the girlfriend. Seeing how the new year is upon us, I hope we can put these differences aside.

Sincerely,
Me

(2)

Dear Anonymous,

I know this has been a rough semester for you, it has been for all of us. It's been HELL! Something you need to learn how to do is listen. When someone tells you they need space, give it to them. This is a huge problem that you have. You're smothering and overbearing, and it's uncomfortable. Going through personal issues, and losing two friends through suicide doesn't constitute as greatest year ever. It sucks that you lost someone near and dear to you, but you need to understand and see why this happened. Remember that things happen for a reason, and hurting yourself won't change it. It'll only drive more people away, like me for example.

Recently we've had our little quarrel, and you're doing the same thing to me that you did to the other person; smother me. I can't believe you did what you did, and I'm still pissed off at you! Trying to place the blame on me for "starting shit" that had nothing to do with me. You're paranoid and took what I told you out of context. I said that you have nothing to worry about, especially if you claim to trust her. I merely stated the obvious and said that yes, our friend is always around. I also told you that none of this should matter to you anyways, because it's over. You two are no longer together. You need professional help. I can't believe you would go and tell one of my good friends that I've been talking shit about her behind her back. One, don't tell me to apologize to her for shit I didn't start, and two, stop trying act like all is well between us. Three, stop trying to tell me to love you, I freaking hate you right now. You think it's easy for someone to forgot this and act like all is well? You really couldn't have chosen a more perfect time to start shit.

One thing you need to realize is that the other person may not be ready to do the same things you're ready for. You can't force a person to do something against their will, just because you want them to. Don't expect a person to jump when you say so. Allow the person to experience life.

When I kept telling you to give her space, you didn't listen. Now that I've made the decision to stay away from you because I'm angry, you need to realize what the meaning of space. Stop calling me, stop texting me, stop messaging me on facebook, etc. I don't understand how it's so difficult for you do complete a simple request. You're too needy, and I told you time and time again that you need to be more self reliant. You told me that you are, but you're not. Being self reliant is learning to do and handle things yourself. Clearly you are incapable of doing so. Always waiting for someone to be there to hold your hand doesn't show a person that you've grown up. You're just a boy trapped in a man's body. If you "hating" me is what it takes for you to realize what an ass you are, then so be it. It still won't change the fact that I'm still pissed off at you for what YOU did. Just because you're miserable doesn't mean the rest of us have to be. Not to mention that I've told you in the beginning not to get me involved, I have enough problems of my own and this has nothing to do with me. Thanks to you, my friendship with this person is officially tainted. Even if things get cleared up, there's always going to be that possibility in the back of her mind of "what if?" You say that you think people are against you, that no one is on your side. It's not a matter of who's on who's side. It's about being mature. Acting like a sullen 13 year old will get you nowhere.

Whatever you decide to do to yourself now is all on you. I didn't tell you to be destructive, you made the choice. You need to learn to stop blaming others for your problems. It's not fair to them, and it's not fair to you. You need to learn to be a man for once. I know it hurts, but deal with it especially when it comes to deaths. I've told you before that I've gone through the same things you are going through now, and that you need to learn that you have friends and family ready and willing to help you. The only deal is that you have to be willing to let them in.

Sincerely,
Me


(3)

Dear Anonymous,

What ever is going on between us deserves to be addressed. Why is it that I have to find out from another friend that you are pissed off at me? The night of the concert, I saw you on my way to get tea and I noticed that you were upset. I said "Hi" to you, and we had a small conversation. I figured it was the result of a bad day. Why couldn't you have pulled me aside and said that we needed to talk, rather than finding out from another friend that you're saying that I'm a bitch and I'm talking shit.

The entire night there was tension, and I'm sick and tired of always being the first to address the person. Finding out that there's supposedly problems between us was news to me! Let me point out that of all the years we've been friends, when have I ever talked shit about you? Especially behind your back? You know me better than that. If I had something to say, I would say it. Especially lately I've been telling you how it is. I know the truth to everything, and every confidential conversation we've had has been kept as such. I can understand your anger if I told everyone. I haven't, so there should be no reason for any of this mess.

I don't appreciate when my friends are going around calling me a bitch behind my back, when they won't even address the problem to my face. Next time why don't you confront me first before making an irrational assumptions. You're another person who knows not to piss me off, and I've told you how Filipinos can be: we can be your best friend or your greatest enemy. I haven't been talking to you, because I want you to come forward and ask me what's going on. I'm not trying to avoid you out of a guilty conscious, because I know I don't have one. Sorry if I'm stating what I physically see, I'm an artist. What more do you want? It's second nature for me to do so. I'm also incapable of lying. I know there hasn't been anything going on. Why would I make up such vicious rumors? Before you jump to crazy assumptions, check your resources and check yourself. You know me better than that. This isn't high school. Yes, people in the music building tend to talk, but this isn't something that's headlines for everyone to know. I'll leave it to you to tell who you feel like you could trust with your personal life. Next time you decide to call me a bitch behind my back, we're going to have bigger problems than the ones we supposedly have now.

Sincerely,
Me

86

Seeing as how it's the end of the semester and the end of the year, I feel like it's time for my not so friendly revelations/advice. I'm not going to sugar coat this, the truth isn't sweet and neither is my advice. "People talk, it's human nature" is the phrase of the blog. Like Greg Behrendt's "He's just not that into you," this will be my key phrase. Now repeat after me, "People talk, it's human nature." Good!

Drama is the word best describing this past semester. And there was lots of it. Gossip could be another word, but drama is still the best.

ADVICE #1:

Here's something that I've learned over the years from personal experience: people talk. It's something we all do, and for someone to say that they don't like gossip is pure shenanigans! Don't give me that crap, you've said at least 10 bad things about people before. And when you hear the whispering an snickering around the water cooler, you know you can't help but inquire on the topic being discussed. The key is determining whether it's gossip or constructive criticism. Either way, it'll hurt. No one ever said it was going to be easy, and if people were trying to soften the blow for you then they are doing YOU an injustice. You need to learn to toughen up yourself. Not everything in life will be easy and handed to you. Step one is to listen. When I say listen, don't jump to crazy conclusions that people are out to get you. Listen to what the people are saying, maybe you can find some good out of the "hurtful" things they are/were saying about you. Sometimes things are said with good intentions, even if the delivery wasn't ideal. Take a look at your life, and see how the negative comments apply to you. Like the old adage goes, the truth hurts. It's up to you whether or not you want to take the criticisms to better your life, or continue being blind and miserable. The choice is yours.

ADVICE #2:

Learn to have a sense of humor about yourself! People are naturally racist and prejudice in a tiny way, and we all have jokes. Before I continue, don't tell me that you're not because you know what I'm about to say! SHENANIGANS!!! Learn to take a negative comment and run with it. This will not only end gossip, but it will give you cool points. Get the stick out of your ass and learn to laugh at yourself.

ADVICE #3:

When you find yourself in a confrontation of some sort, stop running away with your tail between your legs! Remove yourself from your state of delusion, and freakin stand up. Even if things get physical, learn to deal with it! I took on a guy who is 6'5" in tech (shop) class in high school. I'm 5' 1 1/2" for crying out loud! I kicked his ass without a second thought. I could have ran to my dad and hid behind his back, but I learned that these things will happen. People need to learn how to handle shit when it's handed to them, you can't hide behind mommy or daddy for the rest of your life. Grow up and learn how to stand up for yourself, grow a pair, whatever! Don't assume that the problem will magically go away. Confront it, it may not end exactly the way you envisioned it, but that's something for you and the others involved to work out.

ADVICE #4:

This is a spin off of advice #1. When things are being said about you, don't automatically jump to your defenses. My dad once told me this, and I found it to be true, "no matter what's being said about you, good or bad, only you and you alone know who YOU are." I've had numerous things said about me in the past, and yes I will admit that it did hurt me. I will also admit that I did let it get to me, I'm Filipino, it's what we do. One little thing can and will blow up into World War III. Over the years and countless talks with my dad, I learned that people will always talk** Someone could say that you're gay, worthless, stupid, weird, a monster, bitch, asshole, etc. Deep down YOU know who YOU are, and only you know the truth. You don't have to answer to anyone but yourself. If you let yourself get caught up in the hype, when you experience that downfall you can only thank yourself. No one told you to listen.

ADVICE#5:

You know who your friends are, and you should know them well. When vicious rumors are floating around like high school gossip, "I heard from her cousin, who's best friends with his girlfriend, who knows the captain of the football team that she's been saying shit about you behind your back." Really? Wouldn't you think it'll be more rational to confront the person, before you automatically label them a bitch? ESPECIALLY when you've been friends for years? The benefit of the doubt is a good thing. You should know better. There's a huge difference from talking shit and stating the obvious. Also, check your sources before you jump to crazy conclusions.

ADVICE #6:

Being an asshole won't change your situation, again I learned that myself. Doing things to bring guilt won't change the situation, either. Dwelling upon things that are not true, and making crazy accusations will only bring out the worst in everyone. Shit does happen, and there's no point in being a masochist and hurting yourself. Another thing, it's not fair to place that blame on anyone else. No one told you to do the things you did, you made the conscious decision to act upon your impulses.

ADVICE #7:

When someone tells you not to drag them into whatever personal problem you're having, LISTEN!!! A third party is not necessary, and don't drag other people into it just to think that you'll build an army of people who are on your side. In the end everyone will turn against you. Smothering others will also turn them against you. I'm just as stubborn as the next person, again a Filipino thing. But we also know when to back the fuck off!

ADVICE #8:

Think before you act and speak. I don't think I need to explain this, just really think about that first sentence.

People are vicious animals, it's survival of the fittest. This has been the hardest semester of my life thus far, and I'm ecstatic to see it pass. Experiencing all of the above first hand all at once was not something I would have ever wanted to experience. At the same time it's life, shit does happen. I've learned a lot of things this semester about myself that I never thought I was capable of, like being extremely vindictive for one. I'm already a very violent person, but this semester really pushed me to the limit. Listening to the piece of advice my dad gave me, I know who I am. I went through years of ridicule before I became comfortable in my own skin. Understand that I'm very crass, stubborn, and unapologetic as the next person. My mouth does get the best of me, but I don't run my mouth just for the sake of talking. When I talk, it's the God honest truth. Again the truth hurts. What other people say and what I reiterate is simply a quote. Once again, people talk and it's human nature. For a person to say that there should be no gossip anywhere is too much to ask for. You know it'll never happen, I know it'll never happen. As long as we're around, gossip will be too. Keep in mind that it's gossip, it's not always true. It's not set in stone. It's just a bad game of telephone. No one is forcing you to listen, you made to decision to. If you let it run your life, you have no one to blame but yourself. It's like reading something on the bathroom wall that's about you. Although it maybe in your face, you no is holding your head to the wall and making you read it. Be an adult and make the decision for yourself. If you know it's bad, then do yourself a favor and not read it. If you do decide to read it, then see the constructive points you can gather from it to make yourself better. And for God sakes learn to fight your battles!

















***Refer to advice #1

85

The sound of ice tapping against the window is distracting.

It's just about the end of the semester. I'm still trying to think of ideas for my extra credit project for photography that's due Friday. I have to construct something out of the film canisters. I don't know if Penny means the plastic canisters or the metal canisters. I'm going to go with the metal canisters. So far my only idea is to make a Christmas wreathe ornament out of them. It's fast and half-assed!

Lately I've been having really good days in the dark room. My film and prints are turning out nicely, and I can't wait to mount my final project. I still have to redo the first assignment and the shot by shot. I think I'm going to do a self portrait for the shot by shot. I managed to beat the icy rain home after staying late in the dark room. I made 8 prints, enough to complete my final project. I'm still not satisfied, so I'm going to keep making more prints on Thursday before Brooke, Meron, and I start cutting our matboards. The series of world ensemble photos are fantastic! I think I should make copies for Dawn and Didier. Maybe they could use them for the world ensemble site.

I can't believe this is the end of the semester. I have only one final to study for, and 2 critiques. I also have to turn in my final portfolio for writing about art. I'm so ready for this semester to be over. It's been hell and I'm ready for a break. The new year better be good, I've had a rough lifetime so far. I know everyone's been telling me that things happen for a reason, and that my good things will come much more sooner than I think. The wait is very frustrating. Le sigh. Next Thursday can't come soon enough.

84

You say you miss me now. Why?

83

Diyos, na pabayaan ako kumuha sa pamamagitan ng pahinga ng semester. Panginoon, serbesa ako ng lakas!!!!