116

Yup, it's official. A few choice people will experience my shenanigans by living vicariously through my photos from this point on. Piss off and goodnight.

115

So I've grown bored of rambling and have moved to http://stillshotlife.blogspot.com

Maybe I'll update this every once and a while, maybe not. We shall see...

114

The loss of a loved one is always a heavy subject. I often think about those dear to me that I've lost over the years, and it never fails to bring tears to my eyes. I can remember the day my first grandma died, it was in August 2001. I was already asleep because I was in summer school and I had class early the next day. The phone kept ringing off the hook, and finally around 1:00 AM my parents answered the phone. All I could hear were the slightly muffled screams and wails projecting through the walls that divide mine and my parents' room. I remember lying restlessly in bed debating on whether or not I should wobble out of bed (my left knee was out of order again) and yell at my parents to shut the hell up, because I'm trying to sleep. Then again I thought that maybe my dad's back was in pain, so I'll just suffer in silence. About an hour later I hear the footsteps of my parents creeping up the short hallway, and I quickly flip to my side and pretended to sleep. My dad quietly calls my name, followed by my mom's voice saying "nevermind, let her sleep! Just tell her in the morning!" After the door shuts I lie in bed wondering what is to be said in the morning. My hello kitty alarm clock blasts through my room at 6:00 am and continuously hit the snooze button. I turn the radio on so I won't fall back into a deep sleep. A knock at my door distracts me from my power nap, and the muffled voice of my dad tries to wake me. I tell him I'm awake and go back to sleep. Another knock and another "'Selle?" Annoyed I yell, "I'M AWAKE!!!" Through the door I hear, "can you open the door?" I limp out of bed and open the door. My dad instructs me to sit down and my mom stands at the door frame like a prison warden. My dad quietly says, "your grandma..." I shake my head, I wouldn't let him finish. He continues, "You grandma had an accident last night..." I ask if she's alright and my dad simply states, "No." He tells me that she had a aneurysm and died. I scream that he's lying and look at my mom. Another scream comes out, "YOU'RE LYING! NO! SHE'S NOT DEAD!" My dad simply holds me and tells me she's in heaven now. I was in so much denial that I continue to scream that they're lying. The moments after were somewhat of a blur; explaining my situation at the school so I could get out early, crying on my desk for a few minutes while dad talks to the principal, going to Josh's house and flying out the next day. The first moments in California was surreal. We were all sitting in my uncle's house praying the first night of the rosary, and the minute the prayers start the whole house breaks down into loud sobs and cries. I continue to sit on the couch crying to myself as family comes over to console me, family I haven't seen in years. Despite the fact that we all lived an hour away from each other at the most, petty issues are what broke us apart. I refuse to accept the fact that it took a tragedy to bring us back together. Photos are being passed around from the night before in the hospital room, photos of the moments before they pulled the plug on her life support. It felt wrong to see her lying in a vegetative state with tubes coming out of her. Photos of her surrounded by family members looking miserable. This isn't what she would have wanted. From that point on I vowed to remember her as she was, not the way she looked in her final moments. She died on August 9, 2001. This coming August will mark 9 years since she left us.

In my room hangs the program from her funeral with a prayer card of the saints from the funeral. As painful as it is to stare up at her smiling face on the program, it reminds me of the way she was. She was a simple woman who learned to make due with her situation. She didn't have much, but never complained as to why she was given this kind of life. She was a class act and was so charming that you couldn't help but love her from the moment you first met her. She loved her children and her grandchildren equally, she had so much love and affection to give. When she would come over for holidays, she would always stay for long periods of a time so she will not miss a birthday or anniversary. She was always here to take care of us, in some way she was like a second mother to my cousins and I. Her smile and infections laugh always rings through my head. I'll never forget the time my parents, grandma and I were on our way to the store and she would tell me stories about my dad, uncles, and aunties growing up. I'll always remember how a smile would creep on her face, and her laugh would ring out in the car when Aaliyah's "Are You that Somebody" came on the radio. She would always say "I love the sound of that baby laughing in the background!" I think the one thing I truly truly love about her is her refusal to give up. That's a trait that keeps me going. If she could make something out of, literally, nothing, then so can I.

Physically losing someone you love and care about is one of the most difficult tests one will experience many times in their life. In the end it's how you learn to keep going. Although they may physically be gone, they're always here in spirit. Think of them as the invisible friend you had growing up, only this time no one will think you're mentally crazy if you talk to them out loud. Despite the fact how much time you've spent with the person or how often you've spoken to them, just be glad that you've had the opportunity to have them in your life. In one way or another, they've made just as big of an impact on your life as you have theirs. It's painful now, and it will take years for this pain to heal. Sometimes it may not heal at all, but it's a matter of learning to function again. As long as you have great family and friends that will help you move on, you know you'll be alright. As depressing as funerals are, remember that it's a celebration of life. Instead of dwelling upon the person's final moments, tell stories about the person's life. That will turn pain into happiness and diminish the sorrow.

113

I'm in the process of searching for internships and jobs, and so far I have gig hopefully lined up for me. Flora says that a family friend is a photographer for National Geographic and is willing to have me intern for him. I'm so excited, but at the same time I'm trying to find my own stuff just be to safe. It's such a pain in the ass searching. This past week I've been trying to suppress my quarter life crisis and I'm on the verge of having a meltdown. The realities of life are heavily punching me in the face, and I'm taking every fiber of my being to fight back. So far life-1, me -0. I'm still under the belief that I need to get out of Maryland and discover the world. I know I will find my niche elsewhere, which would explain why I'm having such a hard time finding a job here.

Graduation is only coming much sooner, and I need to find a job within my degree field, even if it's just general art. Andrew made an appearance at Saphire last night, which was a huge surprise. He made it to NYC and has gigs left and right in jazz bands and plays clubs almost every night. Now he's the new drummer for the Pietasters, and his career is skyrocketing. I'm not going to lie and say that I'm not the least bit envious that he made it to NYC. It's been my dream, but given my circumstances, my potential relocation had come to a hault. My dad was willing to let me go, but financially it wasn't sound. And that's something I completely understand, because I'm not going to financially destroy my family just so I could follow my dream. I will get to New York on my own terms, but for now I'm going to have to do the grunt work. This means get through school, find some local jobs, continue freelance stuff, and then make my way to the big city.

I guess it's just time for my semi-annual meltdowns. I keep reminiscing about my dreams since I was a child, and this is how I never imagined my life. As far as I can remember, my dreams were

0-3 years old: ballerina
3-7: nurse
7-8: doctor
8: artist
8-12: doctor
12-14: undecided
15-18: psychologist
18-20: musician
20: undecided
20.5-now: artist

There are other aspects of my life in which I never imagined it would be this way. I think I'm just speaking out of sheer frustration because I have friends who have graduated on time, have fabulous jobs, great boyfriends/husbands, starting new beginnings in other cities, starting families...where as I'm still stuck in that small house in suburbia living with my parents and my dog. Although the later is more a cultural thing, I just want to get out to prove that I am very self sufficient. I understand and appreciate that my parents still worry for me since I am the only child, but I need to get out of here. I'm suffocating and this is why I can't find a fucking job!

I keep telling myself that I'm enduring this hardship because it'll all payoff in the end, like it does in the movies. Everyone tells me that, but what if I'm going to end up a nobody still stuck in suburbia working a dead end, thankless job. My dad believes that I will make it, and he keeps reminding me that the day I should give up is the day he gives up. My dad is not one to ever give up on anything, he will always find a light at the end of the tunnel. He knows that frustration will always be there, but the biggest task is proving yourself to be the better person and fighting your way out. Recently he reminded me that I have my grandma's spirit, charm, and smile, and that I need to learn how to utilize it. It's true, my grandma didn't have the easiest life; some would say that they wouldn't want to be in her shoes even for a minute. Despite the hardships that was her life, she still managed to charm people with her contagious smile and always made the best out of her situation. Even when you saw the sorrow on her face, she still remained strong spirited. Normally this is where I would say I wish I could be as strong as she was, but I won't. I am as strong as she was and I just need to channel that. Even when things got tough she never let frustration get the best of her. I feel like it's time for a letter, only this time it's not going to be anonymous.

Dear Grandma,

Words cannot express how much I miss you. I really wish you were physically here right now. Just the sound of your voice is so comforting. I miss our talks, you were always encouraging me and telling me that I will make it. I miss your stories about life in the Philippines and Guam. No matter what obstacles life threw at you, you always took on the challenge with a smile on your face. No matter how hard life gets, nothing beats a hug and a "that's enough bon, you're going to be okay."

I just wish that I had more time with you here. I know that you're looking after me know, that you're with me every step of the way. Through every struggle, every triumph, and every lesson, you're right there next to me. You're still there giving me strength and lifting me off the ground when I feel like all is lost. Even though I can't physically see and hear you, I feel your presence around me. I love you grandma, and I miss you every day.

Always,
Your Bonny Rabbit.

112

Here's a fun exercise!

1. Go to the nearest mirror.
2. Look at your reflection for one minute.
3. Get a pen and a piece of paper.
4. Write down your birth year and subtract it from 2010. The total your be your current age.
5. Go back to the mirror and look at your reflection. Only this time repeat your age to yourself 10 times out loud.

Repeat as needed.

Here at BW Studios we are equal opportunity discriminators. Any incessant implication will result in personal retaliation. We would also like to remind you that any information; hearsay, verbatim, etc, is not always on a need to know basis. In other words, ***** *****, KEEP YOUR DAMN MOUTH SHUT.

111

Random post numero dos:



In a previous post I mentioned that Titanic is one of my favorite movies of all time. Lately I've been in a Titanic mood and I think I've finally figured out why I love it so much (besides Leo), the story line reminds me of my parents. My mom came from a well to do family and gave up everything when she married my dad against her parents' consent. It was all or nothing for her, and they made it work. They got married after physically meeting each other 3 days prior to the wedding, and only keeping in touch with letters before hand. You can't argue with 27 years of marriage and counting! Stories like this give help boost what little faith I have left in humanity.

110

Stress is one of the horrible traits I have. Learning to relax and practice the art of not panicking is definitely something I need to work on. Amidst my numerous panic attacks, I finally saw my advisor and received my class list. I have it all set out, but for some reason I process my list. It keeps telling me that I can't register at the moment, but my list is saved. Next semester is going to be art filled once again, and for sure I'm going to be BROKE! Lord help me! At least I got the most tedious part over with. It turns out that I took the wrong non lab science, so I have to take another one to complete that requirement. I would like to take another Spanish class, but it conflicts with my schedule. I guess I'm going to have to relearn on my own. I just had a pleasant conversation with mi madre about my major, and she was still under the impression that I was double majoring. I told her that Towson sucks and won't let me double major in art, it has to be art history or art education. I'm considering adding art history, but that would probably delay my graduation status. After the fall I should be on my final semester, so I don't think I want to delay graduating any more than I have. Mom kept arguing that I should've stuck with graphic design, but I told her about the process one must go through to declare the graphic design major. You have to go through a screening process and take a test. You're only allowed two chanced and if you fail you'll have to change majors. My first love is photography and my goal is to be a photojournalist. With that said, I'll most likely have to go to grad school. Speaking of...*NOTE TO SELF: Ask Dawn about advisor friend who's also a photojournalist.* Dawn told me one of her friends at MC went to grad school for photojournalism, and told me about the places she got to travel to for her projects. It sounds so exciting and I hope she can help me out. In the mean time I could also go to MC and take more graphic design courses to save money. Who's to say that I won't take anymore graphic design classes at Towson? It does apply to my major and there's a required graphics course already. When I am able to hit the "enroll" button, my schedule will be freakin' sweet. No classes on Fridays once again. I was aiming for a Mon-Tues schedule, but some classes made it impossible to do so. Needless to say all is well in the world.

I got my womens studies midterm back, and I got an 87%. If I hadn't panicked on some of the answers I would've gotten a 90. If I had gotten the dreaded question number 2, I would've gotten that A. Oh well, not back for the midterm. Plus professor Rio is a hard ass when it comes to grading, so I have to say that I'm really proud of myself. After class I hung out with Angel and Mike. We spoke of Hello Kitty's impending birthday in June, and the endless array of interventions needed for people we know. Mike thinks that we should have a Hello Kitty themed party for Hello Kitty, because he thinks it messed up. He hasn't been around us as much, so he doesn't understand our thought processes around birthdays. He also thought it was screwed up how we made custom shirts and a custom cake for Manboy's birthday. He'll learn. Hello Kitty's expecting this to happen for his birthday, and he's welcoming it with open arms. What he doesn't know is where the location of the party. BUAHAHAHAHA! He's also under the impression that his birthday will be centered around the drag picture. It's part of it, but he doesn't know what else we have planned. We invaded Ben and Jerry's for the free scoop day and ventured over to Regal just to hang out in the arcade. The ticket person kept watching us like a hawk thinking that we were going to theater hop. Um, no. We said we just wanted to hang out in the arcade area and that's what we did. Angel and I took an updated photo booth picture. For once we didn't have ten million people trying to squeeze in there with us, and the pictures are really cute.

Given my stress this semester to stay on top of things, I have to say that life is good.

109

I'm in a random mood, so this calls for a random post. According to dog years, Maxx is exactly the same age as I am. If you know my birthday, you should know how old I am.

108

(I'll spare the graphic image for this post)

Man...that was some hardcore food poisoning I experienced this morning. I ate a bowl of soup for breakfast and proceeded to do homework and study for midterms. Shortly after breakfast, I started feeling stomach pangs. That upgraded to violent stomach pains. I had the longest drive to the gas station that's two minutes up the street. Ginger Ale didn't help. As soon as I pulled up to my driveway, I thought I had to let out an epic burp. Nope. I closed the garage, ran into my bathroom and threw up like Regan did in the Exorcist. I decided that I couldn't do my homework and took a nap. My stomach still has occasional pangs, but it's getting better. I'm thinking that the soup had some meat related substance in it, because I've never reacted to anything this bad before. The last time I did was in Guam when I accidentally consumed meat gravy. I spent the night having a good time hugging the toilet. Either that, or the soup was just bad. Anyways, enough of that.

Spring break is next week. Crap. I can't believe how fast this semester is flying by. It's subsequently drama free and I love it. It's extra busy, but it beats being pulled into something against my will. It's 1:44 am and I'm still studying and doing homework. Awesome. Midterms are this week and I'm clearly not ready. I already know what's going to be on the tests, but I'm still freaking out as always. I can't wait to have this week off, even though it'll be spent working and doing projects. Enough procrastinating, all of this is mindless insomniac chatter. Time to focus before I crash on the kitchen table.

107

Hello Kitty, I love you but this has to be one of the funniest things you have ever said! "Bitchand fries?! What's a bitchand fries?"

106

I find it harder and hard to get over this situation of being placed back into last year's drama. Like "Kim" said, "there are some people in which it is necessary to let go, no matter how long you've known them." True. I'm slowly weening myself away from those certain people.

On the positive front, things are looking up in the work force. John will hopefully start training me for the cake maker's position, I have an interview at Panera for a cashier position where the pay is higher, and I just took the test for a position in a government job. I passed the exam and my interview for Panera is on Monday. I won't hear back from the government until the end of March, so let's hope all is well. God willing, these jobs will help me pay my expenses and pay back my loan with enough saved.

Tomorrow is my hangout day with Manboy and Kim. Of course the family goes and ruins our plans with their "we're celebrating Kylie's birthday, be there!" And the "Be there" isn't an invite, it's a command. I'm sorry, but after a month of saying "we're not celebrating her birthday or celebrating anything until her first communion," don't expect any of us to drop our plans to accommodate yours. Kim and I are already trying to think of something to get out of this, while Manboy wants to go. I don't have the patience to be around Kylie, especially after a long day at school with not much sleep. Why doesn't she fall down the stairs again, and we'll all yell "Happy Birthday!" I'm sorry, but her fall down the stairs over the weekend was hilarious! It was karma getting her back for being such a pain in the ass! She was fighting with her mom and she starts running down the stairs and missed a step. She rolled down the stairs the entire way. My two uncles weren't much help, either. One was on his laptop and saw her fall. He starts yelling "OH! OH OH!" And starts raising his laptop like it's about to fall and he's trying to catch it. That same uncle starts asking her what's hurt while she's sitting on the floor wailing, and he goes "Tell me what's hurt? Your feelings?" I try to conceal my laughter, but mom slaps my arm. I look over at her, and she had a stifling laugh. I look behind her and another uncle is laughing. I look to the side and cover my mouth with my jacket so no one can see me laughing. Then he said, "Nobody ever rely on **insert name here**, because he'll save his laptop first before he saves you!" I had to hide my laughter again. We all planned out going out to dinner, so they said that someone should inform next door. I quickly volunteered and ran next door. I told Kim, and she was dying with laughter. She said, "That's what you get, bitch!" So we're scheming to get out of attending her last minute birthday party since they do this shit all the time. Cousin or not, if you tell me for a month that there's nothing going on and then change your mind the night before, don't expect me to be there! How do you know that I don't have anything else to do? Kim brought up the fact that she could have a date. Hello Kitty said that he talked to Kylie's mom, and she asked if Kim and I were going to attend. The options so far are:
1. Fake that we lost track of time
2. Show up for a few minutes to an hour and then dip
3. Just not show up period. Hey, we had plans already!

Hello Kitty says that we should make an appearance just to rescue him. We told him that there's no way he's going to escape with his mother right there. We still don't understand what his mother's problem with us is. You know there's something wrong when he has to do a jail break escape from his COUSIN'S HOUSE! Like I said, I have no patience to be around that brat. They're pulling another last minute thing, and honestly I don't think it's fair that they demand I reschedule plans just for them. When people ask them to do it, they throw a shit fit. My stance is that we just don't show up at all. It's always the usual, "Oh! What are you going to eat?" Um...let's see, it's been what? Five years? FIVE YEARS. I have no reason to show up. All we do is sit there. Then they'll find something to criticize you. Knowing Hello Kitty, everyone knows of my career changes. They'll find a way to nit pick about my career choices. Um, unless you want to give me a nice job being someone's secretary at your jobs, then shut up! I just now thought of this, but what if Kourtney decides to show up. I have absolutely no patience to hear her broken record bitching. Yup, I say we just not show up.

105

"There is far too much cruelty in the world, and despite the fact that this should no longer surprise me, somehow I never cease to be amazed at the depths to which we will sink."~M.M.

Why do I have a feeling this is about me? In fact, I KNOW this is about me. Yes, I'm cruel and heartless and a hateful bitch, but guess what? I'm just returning the favor! One thing that people don't know about me is that I've been living this bullshit my whole life. I know what it's like to have people stab you in the back, use and abuse you, etc. Don't expect me to be so quick to forgive someone after doing me wrong.

You can preach to me all you want to forgive and forget, but forgive me if I'm trying to be a first class sucker. You can say "ignoring" won't change anything, but it sure does help preventing confrontation. The options were to beat the shit out of him or ignore him. He's trying to reverse the roles by playing the victim. After months of not speaking, he decides that he wants to blow up my phone with calls and messages again. The birthday greeting was supposedly the "olive branch" that he was trying to extend. She thinks that I should tell him my stance on why I don't want to talk to him, even though he knows exactly why. She told me that she went over to his house to help with the dog, and she found the birthday card that I hand made for his birthday two years ago sitting on his desk. He's supposedly extremely hurt, and is trying to place the blame all on me. She tells me that it's the silence that scares him the most. Listen...are you listening? It's the sound of me not giving a damn.

Ignoring the problem may not be the best solution for everyone, but it's the best solution for me. Like I told everyone before the start of the new semester, I don't want any drama for this new year. All of this was literally so last year, and I'm done. SO stop rehashing everything from the past and move on with your lives!

104

I'm officially OLD. I still can't grasp the fact that I'm now 24 years old. Ever since yesterday morning, I've been suffering a "quarter life crisis." My nerves have calmed down considerably, but part of me is still freaking out. It's just that when I look around me, a lot of my friends are getting married, are engaged, some have children already...what do I have? I'm still single, still in school, and working a dead end job for the time being. Then I realized my situation and why I'm at where I'm at. Clearly I have trust issues and I am beyond jaded when it comes to guys. I've been hurt one too many times that finding "the one" will be a difficult task. Seeing as how Adrienne, Angel, and I have coined ourselves each as one of the Kardashian sisters, I can only hope that I can find "the one" like Khloe did, even though it was all in a month. I've opened myself up emotionally to a guy for once, and look where it got me. My walls have not only gone back up, but they are enforced with an alarm system and guard dogs. In fact, it's now a fortress! In the guy front, I have a feeling another friend is crushing on me, but I'm personally not feeling it. I don't really know him, he's a mutual friend of a friend and I've only hung out with him twice and saw him for three seconds on another occasion. I'm a dork and he's a dork, but he's way too much dork for me. School was something I wasn't ready for since the start of middle school. Now that I've found my niche, I have to remember that I'm now supporting myself through school with my parents helping out with whatever they can. I changed majors a few times, so of course that took a toll on my graduation status. I think I began freaking out, because I'm having that fear that all college students are having: finding a job after graduation. I've found some jobs that pay a lot of graphics and digital design, but I still have a lot to learn about photoshop, illustrator, and I still have to learn dream weaver. I know Trader Joe's pays at least $12-$15 an hour for an artist to draw the signs for the aisles. I know I'll be alright. We all have to start somewhere; Andy Warhol got started drawing and painting signs for grocery stores and magazine ad's. Jobs...I'm in college. I fall into every stereotype of working a crappy job. Of course people tell me that it'll all pay off in the end. I know it will. All of this thinking is what calmed my nerves. I'm now 24 years old. So far it's been a good year. I have a really good feeling about this year. I'll just have to see where life takes me.

My birthday itself was a lot of fun! Of course I was Filipino time fashionably late to my own party. I had a few set backs. My parents took me out to a late lunch at my favorite Mexican restaurant, Guapos. We went grocery shopping after, and then I had to clean up the house a bit. My parents went to shop for a new rice cooker and take my dad's friend to the metro, and I was going to take his truck. Since my body couldn't handle shoveling anymore, the snow on the edge of the driveway held the truck hostage. I had to wait 20 minutes for my parents to come back so my dad can work his driving magic, and get the truck out of the driveway. On a happy note while being stuck at home, my "Carry you There" scarf came in the mail! I was so happy that I had to wear it right away. From there I had to get Tommy and Angel, and we were stuck in traffic on 95 South into 495 West. We made a pit stop at Target to kill time and get Angel some pain killers. Plus she was feeling nauseous because of some dieting stuff she's taking. We had to pick up Jenny and she just got out of rehearsal, so I was giving her some time to get ready. I was two hours late, and of course Isaac, Paola, and Jess were already at Rio. Isaac knows about Filipino time, because he grew up with a lot of Filipino friends. Turtle and Malwina got there about 10 minutes after we parked. Megan got there 20 minutes later. The Amazing Art place was fun! I immediately had my mind set on painting a tea pot for our Alice in Wonderland opening night Back Row tea party. The tea pot will be strictly ornamental that night, since I'm dressing up as the Mad Hatter. The design is very simple, because I wanted it that way. It didn't turn out the way I had imagined it, but I like it just the same. I gave out some Anti-Valentines day stuff. I got those giant hershey kisses for the cousins and a box of Hello Kitty candy bracelets for Tommy. Angel and I have started calling him "Hello Kitty" an Russell; he looks like Russell from "Up." The entire night the three of us were wearing the Hello Kitty candy bracelets, and we even filmed a commercial for it HAHAHA! Jay didn't show up like she said she would, so I have two extra Hershey kisses for myself. Dinner was at California Pizza Kitchen, and it was really crazy. The girls went to the bar while we waited for our table, and they offered for me to join them. They were hoping that I would give up my straight edge and have a drink. Sorry! They did toast me from the bar, though, so it was cool. When we got our table Jess tried to trick me for a sip of my raspberry lemonade. She was drinking a long island (I think), and offered me a sip for a sip of my lemonade. I told her she can just have a sip for free, I'm not falling for it. Mike, Angel's boyfriend, met up with us at CPK and joined us for dinner. Megan sat there observing how my cousins and I interacted, and said that this explains the craziness that is me. She was so entertained and amused by how crazy we are. It was time for the cake and I knew Tommy was going to pull something. Megan got Twilight plates for the occasion, and I got to choose who I wanted for my plate. Pfft, Team Edward of course! I blew out the candles, and Tommy attacked with icing. I took a handful and got him back. Megan also told me to remind her to tell me the back story about the cake as soon as I cut it. It was a rainbow cake, and the colors made me think of Andy Warhol. It was originally supposed to be a soup can, but time wasn't agreeable. Megan said that she came across the recipe on Stumbleupon (OH stumbleupon!) and the description said that it was perfect for birthdays, mom's birthday's mothers day, coming out to your parents, coming out to your parents on your mom's birthday, coming out to your mom on mothers day, etc. I told Tommy to get his flip camera ready and asked Paola to take a picture. I took a finger full of icing and told Angel to pose with us. I tagged her with icing at the count of three. We stayed until closing time, and parted ways from there. It was a simple, low key birthday and it was a lot of fun. Although the ceramics painting place is a bit pricey, the tea pot was about $48, it was something that everyone enjoyed. Tommy, Angel, and I are trying to plan another hang out in two weeks since Tommy's parents were being....ugh...and were scowling about how late he was. I told him that I was unaware that he had a curfew, and he told me that he had no idea, either. So whatever, we'll hang out again. They were pretty irritated that they couldn't go to Guapos. I text Tommy while we were waiting for our food, and he was blown. He told Angel in the car, and she had the same reaction. So two weeks!

I celebrated Singles Awareness day at work with Eric and Joey. We ordered a pizza and dealt with couple after couple coming in. One lady tipped us twice after talking about our Singles Awareness plans after work that involved ice cream and a gory movie. I spent my night watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians instead of watching 500 Days of Summer like I had planned. For some reason I thought today was Monday, and I made plans to watch 500 Days of Summer for Singles Awareness with the girls. Oh well, I think I might do that tomorrow. The lady told me that I shouldn't do that to myself, it's torture. No, torture would be watching "Casino Night" over and over and over again. Torture would be watching this particular clip over and over and over again:



Sigh. Oh Jim. WHY CAN'T YOU BE REAL?! So yup. Happy Singles Awareness Day!

103

http://tavi-thenewgirlintown.blogspot.com/

Read and be enlightened. This little girl is one of my newest heroes. She reminds me of myself around that age, even up until now to be honest. She wears what she wants and is unapologetic for her look. If only people of the world and be like her, we wouldn't have anymore situations like this:

I love the choice of music in that video hahaha.

Skimming though her blog made me realize that I've been wasting so much space here. I initially created this blog as release for what I observe through my point of view, and I had in the beginning. Needless to say that it got me into a lot of trouble, but you can't say that I didn't warn you. You can't change a person's observation, it's what they see and it's just being reported back "verbatim," so to speak. With it being my birthday coming on on Saturday, I feel like I should have full diplomatic immunity from here and now. LET IT BE KNOWN THAT FROM THIS POINT FORWARD, I PROMISE TO BE OBSERVANT, UNAPOLOGETIC, AND AS SARCASTIC AND DEADPAN AS I CAN BE! *Cheers and applauds*

I understand that nobody likes the truth, nobody can really handle the truth. But as human beings we'd like to think so, so I offer it to you as a service. Don't think of it as being trying to find a way to bash you, think of it as constructive criticism...coming out of Giselle's brain. Don't be surprised to read something that isn't to your liking, because you already know how I think. With that said, it's time for the new post.

Common sense

Common sense is a dead thought process. Since the dawn of time, mankind has lacked common sense. Obviously fire burns and it hurts, why try to touch it again? To give you a more recent example, the snowpocalypse of 2010. First I don't understand how people lack the basic essentials that are shovels, milk and bread. Every time I step foot in a grocery store, it's like it's the end of the world. People, the snowfall isn't going to last 40 days and 40 nights. You will be able to get out of your homes within a day or two. Unless you live with a pack of wolves then you should be alright.

Shovels. Every home has at least 3 snow shovels. Don't tell me that you don't, you know you do. I can understand the lack of salt, people do use a lot. Recently there has been a lot of wear and tear in the snow shovels, but come on. My mom happens to work at a hardware store, and every time snow is in the broadcast people panic. In the words of my mother, "Shovels don't wait for you. If you're in a panic for them and we tell you when the shipment comes in, you better get to the store now! Otherwise, oh well!"

Getting stranded. IT'S A SNOW STORM! You know you're setting yourself up if you decide that it's a great idea to go out while the snow is falling. Don't bitch and complain to me if you're stranded at your friend's house due to the 2 feet of snow that's blocking you in. Suck it up and wait it out. When the opportunity comes for you to go home, don't pass it up! I'd much rather go to work with how many bags of clothes, and have my dad pick me up from work than be arrested for homicide. Seriously, do you honestly need to ask what my opinion is on risking freedom from friendship, or taking the chance of another night and killing the person in their sleep?

Changing the subject: my birfday! This calls for a letter.

Dear Anonymous,

This is being addressed to a group of people. Someone tried to be coy, and sent my dad a text message asking him what the plans are for my birthday. Too bad it was sent while I was in the car with him, and he didn't have his reading glasses with him. Guess who had to read it? You all should know that if my family hasn't contacted you at least two weeks in advanced, there are no plans. Me thinks that there hath been some eavesdropping involved. Understand that these people are like the Washington Post; one person hears something, everyone else will know in the next five minutes. The reason for this letter and the impending bitterness? Allow me to explain. Before I go any further, this letter does not include my parents. They always take care of me (^_^).

The past couple of birthdays have been spent in disappointment. After my 20th birthday, it went down hill. My 21st, I had plans to go to a friend's show and spend it having a great time. What happened? My family hijacks me at the very last second, literally, and diverts my plans. I was considerably upset because I've had these plans for weeks! They had "celebrated" the weekend before, and took me to a barbecue place. Did I mention that I'm a vegetarian? Thanks, assholes. They told the waitress that it's my birthday, so they brought out this small sundae with the birthday candle. As soon as I blew out the candle, EVERYONE attacks my ice cream. I sit there in even more disgust and anger while someone asks me if I would like some ice cream. I look down, and there's nothing left. My 22nd birthday was spent doing nothing. My friends took care of me and I had a great time at karaoke. My 23rd birthday involved an impromptu tea party at my house directly after class. It was a very small get together, and the night turned interesting when a box of wine emerged. It was another situation where I saw my family the next day or two days later. Guess what? Yeah, it was as if I didn't have a birthday. The birthdays following mine were a spectacle. *Nods* I want to say "unbelievable," but it's not the correct word choice. Sadly enough it is believable. This birthday I plan to take care of myself. I invited some friends and my cousins to dinner and some generic art making. We're all poor college students, and it'll be a Saturday night. In the midst of planning I think someone leaked my plans of dinner and generic ceramics painting, only to admit that they may no be invited. Honestly I hope it's clear that you're not invited, if I wanted you to come I would've told you. I've learned that I don't want anything from you all, and this realization isn't due to disappointed birthdays past. This has to do with the fact that I was treated badly in the past over various things. Especially when my education was involved, you all really showed me your true colors. The censorship thing is something to be expected, I'm an artist. Many people will try to censor me. It's something I need to get used to.

I don't want people to see this as turning my back on these group of people, but if you know them the way that I do, you wouldn't blame me. If they do you any sort of favor, birthday celebration, help you out with school, etc, they expect some form of payback. And they expect it back in tenfold.

To make things clear, you're not invited. There are no plans. Don't ask my parents at the very last second what the deal is, and to make me change my plans to accommodate you all. I've had these plans for a month, and it's not fair to ask people to change their schedules because you feel the need to be included. Frankly I don't think it's fair that my parents are stuck with a $400 tab, because you all feel the need to raid the bar and order the most expensive things on the menu. I invited my cousins only, because I knew that they were the only ones who would take care of me other than my parents. If I wanted to be criticized about how much of a screw up I am, I could read my old journals. I don't want anything from you, you're not invited, stop badgering my parents.

Love,
Me

102

Snowpocalypse, snomg!!! Snomore!

Okay, enough with the witty snow references. Honestly, this snowpocalypse is beginning to piss me off. I though I would never say this, but I'm getting tired of the snow. I think it's due to the endless shoveling that is required. The good news is that I haven't had classes all week, so happy birthday to me!

Lately I've been catching up with some friends I haven't spoken to in a while. I just finished talking to Jenny from middle school, and we caught up for a while. She's in Detroit now, but plans on moving back to MD because it's not exactly where she envisions herself. I remember she went to MICA, and I assumed that she graduated from there, but she confessed that she only lasted 2 years there. She told me that MICA does have it's ups and downs, and that it's back to back studio classes. That's something I'm used to so it's not a big deal, but she did say that it was a "really out there school." I've heard that from a lot of people, and for those who don't know, "really out there" can be a bad thing. Yes you can find artist context in everything, but filming yourself masterbating and presenting it for a project is just wow. Now my artistic side is kicking in and I'm about to internally start arguing about how pornography can be viewed as a form of art. ANYWAYS...she told me that the tuition itself was $38,000 without supplies and food. So again, it's $50,000. Even though I find myself being depressed at times for not being where I think I should be, I feel like I'm not missing out on anything. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I hate Baltimore with a fiery passion. If I had gone to MICA, that would require me to go in to Baltimore everyday. The most time I've spent downtown lately was at Penn station waiting for the shuttle to take me to Towson. She also told me that she's planning on studying law and paralegal stuff, but at the moment she's playing mommy to her 16 month old twin boys. I honestly didn't see her becoming a mom this early, and she told me that. She said that a lot of people didn't see this coming. As shocking as it was to read that she's now a mommy, reality has hit me once again. Friends are getting engaged, married, having children, etc. I'm nowhere near ready to walk down that road yet, but still. One day I'll get to that point, but not now.

101

First day of classes. Readings piling up. Oh my God.

I did really well for myself. I stayed away from MC, even though I had ample time to go over there. I stood my ground, go me! I did some school supply shopping while waiting for Adrienne to come pick up the key to her house. After she arrived, we went out to dinner and hung out for a while. She told me about the wedding, and said that it was a good time. The only con was that the family brought shit with them, and pretty much made our side look bad. Really bad. Extremely bad. I asked her if she was really surprised. They always do that. I'm sorry, but you were there for a wedding, not to go sight seeing. Stop throwing a tantrum like a child. I told her not to take them seriously, because they don't like people dominating them. Plus I told her that if there aren't problems going on at the moment, they will create some. I don't get it, it's like something's wrong with their world if they're not bitching and scowling and criticizing people. I just told them to ignore them, and my dad said the same. He told her that this is why we rarely come around to family things, or go on vacations with them. The last time we went on a legit vacation to Florida, it was nothing but stress and scowling the whole way down. There was some back handed comments made about me in Disney World, and my mom heard them. She bit her tongue and withheld from making a scene in the middle of the park. Even when we went to Myrtle Beach, they brought crap with them that put me in a bad position. It was a "let's criticize Giselle and tell her what a fuck up she is" vacation. I've learned to ignore them and their back handed comments. I have a lot of shit on them, but I too big of a person to hold it above their heads...for now. Especially when they showed me their true colors when I asked for help with school. Thanks for hanging up on me mid sentence, and then trying to cover your ass by making it seem like I didn't tell you all the details. Nope. You know I can't lie. You know me well. Don't try to tell my dad otherwise, even after I called him the second I heard the dial tone. Anyways, I told her that they're not supporting her or doing anything for her, but supplying her life with negativity. My dad and I told her to learn to mute them out.

We went out to dinner and had a mini adventure. It was a lot of fun, and my stomach was ready to kill my by the end of the night. When I woke up this morning, my stomach was taking avengence. Not good. Parking on campus was so much more of a nightmare this morning than previous semesters. I drove around Glen garage for an hour, literally, and couldn't find a parking spot. I don't know how other people who just pulled into the garage managed to find spots. I missed my first class which sucks, and booked it to Towsontown garage. I found a spot right away after I spotted a person coming out of the stairwell. Ugh...note to self: park in Towsontown on Thursday, and move car to Glen after women's studies. I have 45 minutes before math, anyways. Mi profesor de Espanol es muy divertido. Translation: my spanish prof is very funny. I'm really going to enjoy his class. There are a few others in the class who had had previous spanish knowledge, and he gave the usual "if you've taken 3 years or more of Spanish, please consider changing to spanish 102". But back then it was "go see so and so in Macklin Tower, room blah blah blah to change sections". He immediately jumped into Spanish the minute class started. He said that we are to address him in Spanish at all times, unless it's a dire emergency where we have to speak in English or don't know how to say something. I like him a lot. All other Spanish teachers and profs never fully enforced using the language at all times, which would explain why I don't remember anything from Spanish 2 and 3. I should be speaking fluently by now. It'll click eventually, but I really need the practice again.

My women's studies prof is so blunt and in your face that I couldn't help but chuckle a few times in the class. I can't help but appreciate the fact that she blurts out "fucked up the ass" so loud when describing how men belittle women by stating "she must be on her period," and, "she needs to be fucked up the ass and she'll be happy." She outed three girls who were acting like they were in middle school, passing notes and carrying on their own conversation. She MADE them tell the whole class what the note was, and embarrassed the shit out of them. This is college, girls, not middle school. I'm really going to enjoy this class. She made it a point to say that we all give lip service to issues when it comes to race, sexuality, and gender equality, but the majority are still not comfortable with their own issues. I can't wait until Thursday!

100

OMG!!! I've reached my hundredth post! I didn't think it would get this far, but shock shock surprise surprise. *sniffs* I would like to thank my anger for giving me reasons to find outlets to release my rage, the lovely people around me for supplying me with topics and reasons to be pissed off, and last but not least, God! Without him none of this would be possible.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So to be perfectly vague: I hate to say this, but he is right. He is SO right. He'll never hear me say that, though.

You'd hate for me to say this, but let me remind you: KARMA IS A BITCH! Things have come full circle, and now there isn't a single shoulder to cry on.

99

Like Rebecca Bloomwood had her green scarf in Confessions of a Shopaholic, I shall be the girl in the red HANSON scarf. Must get when paycheck comes next week. Don't hate:


source: Hanson.net

So I officially have a good reason to stay away from the music building as soon as classes start: dog training classes. I will be taking Maxx for obedience classes every Monday for the next 8 weeks starting Feb. 8. I have to be strong before that. I know I can be.

This has been one hell of a week. My dad changed my brakes on Saturday, and they failed when I put it in gear to back out of my driveway. My car hits Yolanta's car and damages the driver's side door. My car is fine, thanks for asking. I'm kind of shocked that I didn't suffer any damages. I wasn't too thrilled about that, so dad pushes the card back up the drive way and it goes up so fast that I can't stop and I start yelling. Why was I yelling you ask? Because Maxx was sitting in the garage. The car didn't stop until it slammed into the box of ornaments and I jumped out of the car screaming. I heard a yelp and I thought Maxx was severely injured under the car. I starting screaming at my dad that Maxx could be trapped under the car and told him to hurry up and move it. While my dad hurried to pump the brakes to get the brake fluid going, I noticed a furry tail wagging at the door. After the car backed out of the garage, I immediately ran over to Maxx and picked him up and started hugging him. I took him inside and sat on the floor and cried. Maxx came over for a belly rub and I just looked at him. I almost lost my dog! I still tear up when I think about it. Ugh...at least my dog's alright.

On top of all this, I've been running around trying to help Adrienne figure out what to do about her dog while she's in Albuquerque for Brian's wedding. It's been a pain in the ass, but we finally figured it out a solution.

Today I had a minor laptop scare. My old adapter died, and this time it wasn't because of the plug. The batter pack itself must've burned out. I had to go without internet for a few hours. I remembered that I had my old adaptor from the last time, the small plug broke. I played mad scientist with my adaptor and got it working. This saves me $300.

Saturday night was spent hanging out with Adrienne and Angel playing Mario Wii. We went to Wal-mart before hand so Adrienne can get some supplies. We picked up some snacks as well, and went back to her place. We watched the Coneheads and I got everyone to eat my Morningstar Chik'n strips. They are really good, and I think they taste like the real thing...as far as I can recall from the taste of real chicken. After the movie we spent a good 7 hours yelling at the tv from playing Wii. We even made a caffeine run to Dunkin Donuts, but after another hour and a half that began to fail. By 4:00 am we called it a night.

This is the final week of break before it's back to hell. Yay.

98

"The trick is to recognize when a 'goodbye' can be a good thing when it's a chance to start over"~Betty Suarez

With that said I would like to take the opportunity to bow out of the music building, and all the drama that comes with it.

College is supposed to be a learning experience in itself. What I've learned so far is that you can't trust anybody. I know this is going far beyond my whole "stay positive" spiel, but hear me out for a second. Wednesday night's meeting with Isaac made me realize my anger in more ways than one. I've always been an angry person, but never really knew how to deal with it without resorting to violence. My vow for this year is to be positive, and that means no more anger. This also means house cleaning for my life. We discussed the major issues from this past semester one final time before we dropped the vase. It shattered into a million pieces, in fact it's now dust. Oh look, there's some blowing away! All this self doubting has to come to an end. I've told myself countless times that I will never devalue myself as a person, especially my potential, but I always find a way to get around. This time around it hasn't been my subconscious tearing down myself, but so called friends. Jessica once told me that I can't save the world, and my rebuttal was that it couldn't hurt to try. As a matter of fact it does. I've learned this the hard way, in more ways than one! You can't help those who can't help themselves. There's a fine line between sympathy and seeking attention, it's just determining where the person falls. I've always been the person who will fight to the very end to seek justice and closure, never wanting to give up. I have to realize that I can't fix everybody. As I recall this is why I dabbled in psychology during my senior year in to my first year of college. Being surrounded by so many broken people who claimed that they had no one to talk to made me see how something as simple as talking could help. What I didn't realize was that I was just as broken as they were. This past semester brought on so much personal drama that I ever cared to involve myself in. Some of it was involuntary, but there was some that I chose to enter knowing what the outcome would be. Again, "it couldn't hurt to try." By the end of the day I found myself in a center of a war that I couldn't get myself out of. I lost one friend due to my animated, angry mouth and mind, and almost lost another to a vicious rumor started about me. I voluntarily let go of another friendship, because this person is the cause of the rumor. With a month of winter break, I sat in my room wondering why I haven't heard from people so much. Past breaks were spent trying to hang out every chance we get, and it would always end with "See you on Monday," or what have you. The phone was silent, facebook was pretty empty. In my solitude I began to re-evaluate my life and everything and everyone around me. Isaac had me list my new years resolutions starting with what I felt is top priority. My list is as follows:

1. Be positive and let go of all the negativity and the negative people in my life.
2. Concentrate more on my work and on myself.
3. Stay away from the music building.
4. Focus more on my art.
5. Don't rush in to a relationship, let it happen.

Number three is going to be a challenge. It is second nature for me to go from Towson to MC, walk into the music building and pick where I left off. I thought all would be well since I'm one of the originals there, but I have to realize that I'm no longer part of that circle. The day I got my acceptance letter was the day everything changed. This past semester made me see who was still my friend and who wasn't. I was asked who I came to visit every time I would show up to the music building, and at first I said "everyone." Now that I think about it, the list has narrowed down to maybe 3-4 people at the most...it's getting closer to no one at all. As depressing as that sounds, my only reader once told me that friends will come and go. Isaac told me the same thing, but this was also followed with "family will always be there." He is so right. They are both right. During this break I found myself hanging out with my cousins more than my friends. I've taken on Flora's mentality of "guilty until proven innocent." To sum things up in a nutshell, I find myself not trusting anyone anymore. Isaac told me that I was being a good friend, and did/said what I needed to do/say, and I shouldn't feel guilty for it. Trust me, I don't feel the slightest bit guilty. One of my good friends was pissed at me for something I supposedly did, which was false. The damage has been done, and there's still trust issues. Now the roles have reversed and I'm starting to suspect her of backstabbing me. In this life you can only be so lucky to find at least one person you can truly say that you trust. I thought I had 20 or so, I was wrong. Part of me doesn't want to say that I suspect everyone, but I have no reason not to. I don't know why it came as a shock to me when the music building drama said that it's time for me to get hit. Ever since this group assembled, it has been drama galore. If we were a show, we'd beat out Days of Our Lives. Maybe the Real World would have featured us twice! When it comes down to it, I'm no longer part of Montgomery College. The drama is irrelevant to me. On that note I say to you,



It was fun and I will enjoy those happy memories, but this is the end. I confessed to Isaac that my first semester at Towson was one of the happiest semester I've ever had. I stayed away from the music building for two reasons: 1) no time, 2) fear of getting kicked out of school. During orientation day the university counselors told us that the first semester is where people royally screw up the most. Once they screw up they get placed on academic probation and potentially get kicked out. I was swamped with work and I didn't want to get kicked out of school, so maintained focus. I received guilt trips about not visiting, but I had good reason. Yes I missed out on so much, but at least my work didn't suffer. Now that I made time to visit, I see that people are slowly starting to loathe my very existence.

All this frustration had me turning to the very people who know me the best: mom and dad. Dad would always tell me not to pay any attention to negativity, because those are the people who are jealous and are trying to bring you down. Mom would tell me to cut them out of my life, because I don't need that. Growing up I was also told that I didn't need to prove myself to anyone, because I know who I am. I will admit that lately I have been very blunt and brutally honest in various ways, but understand where I'm coming from. I've always been the girl trying to fit it and was always nice. In return I was taken advantage of, and I find myself in that very predicament once again. Understand that I don't talk shit, I state the obvious and I state the truth and as the old saying goes, "the truth hurts." I was recently given a proposition by a friend saying that we haven't hung out and that it must change. I bite and agree that it must change. Shortly after that, I receive a message from a certain someone saying that he was told things that he doesn't appreciate hearing. Part of me starts to suspect this hang out that was scheduled for this weekend, like I could be getting set up. I discussed this with various family members and another friend I felt like I could trust. I said that if I do hear back with details and do meet up, and find an unwanted guest, I'm leaving. As the days get closer and closer towards the weekend, my suspicions grow higher. I never got a reply or any indication of what the deal is for the weekend, so therefore I cancel to save me the trouble. How hard is it to accept that I don't want to talk to you anymore? I have a lot more to say about this matter, but I'd rather not for the sake of keeping my new years resolution. Plus I have a few choice words tell someone that will only make things worse. Positive. Positive.

Talking with Isaac also lead to the discussion of having God in our lives. We both talked about how we've had destructive pasts, and how all of this has changed. He's a Messianic Jew and I'm Catholic, but he showed me how much more our two religions connect aside from the information that I already knew. It lead to a two hour long discussion in my car, and how God has helped us in various ways. We briefly discussed Job, and how he went through a painful test of faith. I told him about my high school past, and how it was similar to Job but I did lose my faith. Senior year I lost what I thought was everything, and almost lost my future. I was going through ye olde high school drama and was fighting with my then best friend. I failed math, which in turn nearly cost me graduating. I had to take Saturday school and quit chorus to take an additional math course to meet the credits. Registration for Saturday school was a nightmare in itself. The line wrapped around the entire school and the teacher and principals there doing crowd control informed us that there may not be enough sections to admit all these students. There were students and parents there the night before who weren't able to register because the school was closing, but they received numbers. I almost had a panic attack on the spot, because this showed me how much I really screwed up. My dad and some other parents joined in arguing with the principals about how this is crap and that you can't turn us all away. This little Hispanic woman came to me in the middle of the chaos and grabbed my arm. She assumed I was Spanish and started speaking to me in Spanish. I told her that I wasn't and my dad saw what was going on and walked over to confront her. She pulled me closer to her and I gave her a confused look. She told my dad to go tell the principal that we were here the night before and never received a number. My dad in turn told another mother. This little Hispanic woman held on to my arm and told me that everything will be fine. When it was time to register for classes for those who had the numbers, I realized that this woman helped me cut to the front of the line. We were called over shortly after she went ahead to register for English classes for herself, and she came back to check and see if I got the class I needed. Walking down the halls towards the parking lot, I kept muttering "Thank you, God!" I sat in the car in disbelief as my dad went on about how lucky I was that the lady came around. All I could say was that she was an angel sent by God. My dad then asked me, "now do you believe?!" I was in church that following Sunday. I don't remember what she looks like, except for that she was shorter than I was. I never knew her name, but I can't thank her enough for what she did for me. She really was an angel sent by God! If Job can endure such hardship that he did and never lose his faith, then so can I. All that talk about religion made me want to read the bible, so I went out and got one today haha! Isaac made a good point about reading it though, "don't look at it as a chore, if you like to read look at it as a regular book."

As far as my relationship situation goes, I told Isaac that I will just take things in stride. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. I found myself watching (500) Days of Summer again, and I feel like it does describe my romantic shenanigans that I get myself into. There is such thing as true love and destiny, only the person you believe you're destined to be with could be the wrong person. When the right person does come around, you just know. Although I am still in denial that my dad knew anything about my past situation, my dad is right when he tells me that "the right guy is out there, you just haven't found him yet." The wait just sucks, but I know it'll be worth while when the time finally comes.

I told Isaac about how his "drop the vase" tactic inspired me to create a new project involving smashing plates. It'll be therapeutic and artistic. At least this will subdue my urge to want to smash anything for a while.

Given the fact that it is a new year and a new decade, I wanted a new look to go along with my new persona this year. I cut my hair. I would say that I cut off about a good 12-13 inches. About 5-6 inches that was first cut off is going to be donated towards locks for love. I was really thrilled about that when the stylist asked me if it was okay that she do that. I was in desperate need of a haircut in the first place, and as much as I'll miss my long, long hair, it'll grow back. It's a new year which calls for a new hairstyle.

I have a lot to think about this semester and this year. I need to constantly re-evaluate my situation and the people around me before I get dragged into another issue again. If I feel frustrated I have a lot of people I can talk to, most of them is family. I always need to remember to "drop the vase" every now and again. As much as I really dislike this band, I feel the need to quote Fall Out Boy in this closing statement,

"One night and one more time, thanks for the memories even if they weren't so great..."

97

Dear Professor Lietz,

You're AWESOME! Just thought I'd let you know.

Sincerely,
Me



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I went to MC to figure out the situation that is keeping me from getting my AA. The waiting room was packed as always, but Saalika was there so we talked until she was called. She just got back from the Czech Republic and told me all about it. Some of the things she told me reminded me of my trip to Germany. I found it interesting how she said the elderly view Democracy as anarchy over there. I had to wait for two hours, and this one professor walked over to check the list to call another student. He stopped briefly and was looking over my shoulder, watching me draw. He commented on how excellent my drawing is, and how he wished that he could be so steady. I observed him and every student he saw, and every student leaving his office was so happy. I made a last minute change to my sign in, and added his name as a preferable prof to see, otherwise I was going to get this one prof/counselor who clearly didn't want to be here by the tone of his voice. Prof Lietz called me after a long meeting with another student before me, and he said "oh la arrrrrtista! muy bien!" I couldn't help but laugh when he said that. We made small talk for a little bit, talked about how our day was so far and then we got down to business. I explained to him that I'm no longer a student MC, that I'm now at Towson. I told him that prior to my transfer I was told that if I don't complete the math course required to graduate at MC, I can take the math course at Towson and just have it transfer back. Rewind to Summer of '09: I had the same bitchy counselor both times I came to settle this, and she was arguing with me that I needed to take a math course lower than that required to graduate. Basically all I need is a Math 100+ level to get my AA. Bitchface told me that I have to take a Math 91 course, and then take MA116 or something along those lines. I told her what I was told before I transferred. Argue argue argue, I leave there pissed off. I tell my parents what's going on, and we all bitch and complain about how we spent all this money and all this time and they're denying me my AA. *Fast forward to now: after telling Lietz was I was told by Bitchface, he shakes his head and tells me that I don't need to take a Math 91 to get my AA. He explains that the requirement upon graduation for MC is that we take one math course at the 100 level or higher. I knew that, I've known that. I told him that I didn't understand why I was being told otherwise, and basically was being told that getting my AA was virtually impossible. He tells me that it is possible and that he's going to help me make it happen. I made sure to bring the Towson course catalog, and we scan the catalog and MC's Artsys database to see what will transfer between the schools. I have two course options, and I was instructed to keep in contact with him. Upon completion of that math course at Towson, I have to come back and see him and we'll fill out the graduation forms. So I have one class lined up for the Fall semester. This dude really made my day, though. He had such positive vibes about him and it made me forget about all the bullshit that was building up the past couple of days. All is well in the world of me.